'Twas the first of July, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Rounds were completed, my orders were done.
Day one as a bone doc was really quite fun.
The preops and postops were snug in their beds,
While doses of Dalmane clouded their heads.
And I in my whites, shoes covered with plaster,
Had just settled down to wait for disaster.
When out from my beeper there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the E.R. I started to trek,
Anxiously awaiting my first midnight wreck.
The light in the lobby was dingy and low,
Giving luster of jaundice to patients below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a patient removing his cast with a shear.
He said it was old. He wanted one new.
And I better do it, or else he would sue.
Patiently I rolled him a brand new white cast,
And wondered just how long my patience would last.
When out of the crash room I heard a loud groan,
"I know that it's broken, just leave it alone!"
And hard on the heels of this bellicose yell,
Wafted a fruity and ketotic smell.
So I went to the crash room to meet my new friend,
And wondered just when this first night would end.
Completely undressed, from his head to his foot,
His clothes were tarnished with beer, wine, and soot.
His legs were both splinted, he lay on his back,
With cervical sandbags, it looked like "the rack."
His eyes were deep yellow, his teeth full of carie,
His cheeks were all puffy, his nose like a cherry.
He had atrophic limbs, and a cirrhotic belly,
That shook when he yelled, like a bowl full of jelly.
An I.V. was placed in his arm with great care,
And I told him that morphine soon would be there.
When cleaned up and plastered, he smiled at rest.
Placid and peaceful now described him best.
When I crawled back to bed, it was then nearly four.
But sleeping was nix'd by calls from the floor.
More aspirin, more Tylox, more milk of magnesia.
I hoped in the morning I'd just have amnesia.
But when I awoke, the thought made me numb,
That this was just one of more nights to come.
Until on our rounds, I presented my treasure,
Who, smiling, said, "Thanks, Doc, it's been a pleasure."